my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
