Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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