Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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