So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
look no pants
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
