In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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