Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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