we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
