he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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