you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Every concussion has its silver lining
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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