nutella sex= disaster
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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