I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
