Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
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we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
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he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize