My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize