I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
