I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
