Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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