She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
it's great music for shaving your balls
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
