dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize