what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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