1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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