i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
