Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
