Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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