Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
it was like eating out sand paper
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
