i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
