i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
