you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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