i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
