I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
