i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
