Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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