it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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