im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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