Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
