I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
