I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
