i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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