I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
