Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
