K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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