My hand turned me down
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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