we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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