I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
