A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize