we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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