If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
two words: eviction party
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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