The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
is wine microwaveable?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just forgot I was standing up.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
