I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
