your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
