apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
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you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
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I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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