just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
