You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
