I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
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