the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
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