It's like God shit irony all over that family
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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