I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
