honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
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She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
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I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door