Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
